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And if you're thinking you're all high and mighty because you're not single and don't need this, well, goody goody gumdrops for you, but be a saint and share this shit with your single friends. Ten things to do when you’re creating an online dating profile: 1. Yeah, I know they say you’re supposed to be completely honest and crap but that’s bullshit. If I were completely truthful, I would have written: “I like cats, TLC marathons, The Bachelorette, eating Hershey’s syrup straight out of the bottle, putting on my fat pants the second I get home, and meat, sports and beer.” 2.

So yeah, I'm an F'ing expert on this subject and I'd be an a-hole not to share my brilliant wisdom with you.

I would avoid long lists of requirements – I mean, you’re not going shopping!

My Single Friend was born partly because I thought writing your own profile was just hideous, and being British we’re completely useless at it Say cheese It’s vital to post a photograph because most people are visual.

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If you don’t have a baby, go to a park and ask a random stranger if she can take your picture while you hold her baby. Do NOT mention any of the following words in your profile: Marriage Kids Prison Blood Mommy The IRS Porn 4. ‘Cause this is the shit I used to read all the time when I was doing it: I love walking on the beach and going on vacations and seeing movies. And then I F’ing meet you and you’re like let’s go see some weird ass indie flick that’s in Swahili (Holy crap, I spelled that word right on the first try?!!! I don’t give a crap whether you look like Christina Aguilera 2011 or Christina Aguilera 2013. When someone types the word “u” instead of “you,” do you know what I think?

I know it sounds like a tall order, but if the prune can do it, so can you.

A recent study showed that words such as "skiing", "yoga" and "the ocean" help men get dates; "sweet", "running" and "dance" help women get dates online.

It all started when my pal Paula asked me to figure out why she wasn't getting a response to her JDate ad. " What I get is that we all want to be loved for exactly who we are. " It wasn't long before news that I'd taken Paula's profile from drab to fab spread far and wide (okay, a couple of people in Brooklyn heard). I've seen the dumb, the dull, and the klutzy; the bitter, the brazen, and the too cute by half.

I didn't have to read beyond her opening sentence—"I like the library! All the exclamation points in the world couldn't save that line. But surely there's a juicier way to bring up your literary fetish. I've studied strangers on the Web and friends at my kitchen table, and here's what I've learned: Let's review—the key to this whole online profile thing is really quite simple: Be direct while maintaining an air of mystery; be modest while flaunting what you've got; be flexible while explaining what you need, while keeping it brief and making it flirty and not getting cute; and be yourself, only more so, only not so much more so that you exaggerate, intimidate, or irritate.

By dating friend profile written